this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
