dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
