My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
