Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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