My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want nice things and good sex
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
