So drunk its hurt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
