One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
