my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
