the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
