omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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