Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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