thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
