Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
