It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
