Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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