how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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