I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
