Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
