did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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