why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
