I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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