so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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