i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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