You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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