her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I AM VODKA MAN
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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