I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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