thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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