wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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