Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So here I am, sexting at work.
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