Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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