She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
