yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
