Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I CAN MOONWALK!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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