I am in a vortex of obligation.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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