I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
