Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
