Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
