It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
