i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
