Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This baby is an asshole
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
