we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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