I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
