I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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