am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need moral support for this bender
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
