he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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