He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
