thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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