The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
