all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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