wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
