i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
