I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
