did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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