My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
