apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
