How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
