ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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