I accidentally had phone sex last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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