Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
