After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
