So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize