My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
