ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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