Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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