so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize