I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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