I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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