You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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