she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
