Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
