you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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