Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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