Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
