i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
